Am i getting sick? -_-

My throat feels a bit crappy, think it'll hurt later on and im getting a cold -_-...
Wore my jeans jacket today, it was kinda warm yesterday and my springjacket is home in katrineholm so i gambled and well, it was a bit too cold and now i think im getting a cold. Rats...

Warning only read if you want to hear my lifestory
So i talked to my mum about my four days break and she told me to get home. Okay i said. I'm so easy to persuade XD. Well i wanted to do it to begin with eheh. I don wanna be alone here T_T. What would i do? omg what if i didnt have my family what would i do then? I dont have any close friends here either, man i would have rotten here all alone. I remembered my 19th birthday, was all alone, just got messages from my friends in katrineholm. Man it's hard to get close buddies. How did i get those from high school? To be honest i dont have that many friends. It's a bit sad but as long as i have my "girl gang" friends of whom i like three of them the most, im happy. Im not really that extroverted and get friends easily. Well i get a long with everyone but dont get all buddy like. And it's especially hard now when everyone seems to have found their "groups". And im hanging out with one too. Oh reminds me of when i started high school. Before i thought i wouldn't get any friends there. I was this quiet kid during junior high. Well to start from the beginning, when i was litte and started school, i just hung out with one girl. Well i had her why should i make friends with another one i thought then. In 5th grade she moved and switched classes. There i was all abandoned. What would i do? I had never played with anyone else in my class back then. I cried on the breaks but then a girl who was my friend from the kindergarden, she invited me to play with her friends. So there i was playing with them. But i was quiet, didnt say anything. I was just there with them, laughed at their jokes. Well not so good, i felt that they were just being a good classmate that let me hang with them, they didnt actually like me. I could feel it. The girl who invited me to their "group" also went junior high with me. We hung there too and still i was this quiet girl. I always thought, say something now, something interesting common. With that in my mind all the time it felt like my mouth was even more locked and nothing was said. I could feel her getting annoyed and didnt really want to be with me. She made new friends there and i was just there just because. She was tired of me and showed it pretty clearly. She dumped me a lot of times to be with her new friends. I remembered crying a lot of times during junior high. As that wasnt enough, i had these stupid classmates in my class there too. They teased me for being chinese and made me feel really bad. I was such a pushover too, couldnt defend myself. Gaaah i hated me back then, i hate how i let them hurt me so much!
I really dislike that girl too, she was not a real friend if you say so, i remembered her laughing when one of those bastards teased me. I was so alone... This was not that good to my confidence. I dont know how many times i feel that im not good enough, and still am... It feels like it's always my fault for everything wrong that happens... I try to act tough all the time. A lot of people told me i always look angry and bitter. Hm well it's just the way i look ok? It might have been all the thing i've gone through...
So with this shattered piece that was left of me, junior high ended and summerbreak was on. High school was waiting and i was so afraid of the same thing would repeat again in high school. Mum i wont get any friends i told my mum. I will be all alone! But as high school started something happened with me, i started to talk. Must have been because no one knew eachother and i could start a new life. I made friends and the "girl gang" that a teacher named it, was formed. I was so happy and couldnt wait to get back to school every weekend. I especially liked one of the girls. She was great. She was always there for you. Man i really loved her and i so wanted to be there for her like she had always been there for me but that didnt go well. She didnt want me to get so close... Because of that and our differences in personality our friendship was up and down. But i will always remember and you will always be my best friend. You are the one that really changed me a lot and taught me a lot and the most important of all, you were always there for me. I really wished you had let me be there for you.
High school ended and now im stuck here in college now. Well now i knew i could make friends with my real personality, the one that's been hiding behind my quiet attitude before in junior high. I could easilly talk to all the new people here. At first i made friends with two dudes. They were cool but then i made friends with the girl im hanging out with now, it felt like i was dragged between those. Either i hung with them or her. It was so hard -_-. Why cant we hang out all together. The girl im hanging out with now is not that talkative and the others are so maybe the differences eheh. So i had to choose... Now it's something weird between me and them... Well shit happens... we're not friends anymore... Sad but true life moves on. Am i enjoying my time here, hm not really. Seems like i dont have anyone to fall back on anymore. It's pretty stressful, im gonna be here for four more years... I want to start a new life again where no one knows me and try again. It's so much i want to go back and redo to the better.

But i've learned a lot and i wouldnt be the person im today if i hadnt gone through all these things.


Dont talk to me about the things i've written if you know me. It's kind of embarrasing to talk about it. It's my inner thoughts and feelings. The most important, don't think im a bitch if i sometime ignore or snaps you off, it could be because im a sad person. I know i cant blame on that all the time, sometimes i just am i bitch and that is because you stink XD. Okay just don't mention anything i've written here with me okay?

Oh boy i really admire you, is my life really that interesting to you :P Okay thank you byebye ;P