siiggh

First i heard from my mother that the one i went to job with had told her about someone that thought i was cute and wondered if i was single. She told my mother about it not me -_- so i heard it from mum and then i got my hopes up and thought it was that cute boy i like a bit 'cause he was thai and i couldnt think of another one -_- and i think we have a lil something going on between us, but i as usual try to be as far away from persons i like and ignore them as much as i can -_- yes i know i have problem with stuff like that, im 18 and havent had a singel boyfriend it might have something to do with it and the fact that i live in sweden and think they dont want a foreigner and yeah, lack of selfesteem eheh and yesterday another one that works there told my brother about it and then he tells me, why do they tell everyone but me? So today i had to find out who it really was, if it was him or not, man i really wanted it to be him... i think i like him... Anyway at the end of the day i finally got to see my admirer and i really said eeeww. hahaha yeah it was a 27 year old and not so good looking fella... i was really disappointed eheh.

I havent felt good this whole day, mentally... Yesterday when i worked, yes i worked yesterday too, money money, anyways, when he told me where to go well he was normal and that, it was just job talk and that but when i talked to him he turned his face into a smile, not just to be nice, dont think so but it was like he was so glad that i talked to him... and then on the breakfast break he jokinlgy poked me in the arm and another time when i went to take a roller thing he looked and me and jokingly laughed. Hahahaha i like his voice, it's so ugly, as ugly as mine XD, yes i've been hearing imitations on my voice and it doesnt sound pretty. Yeah back to business, today we've been ignoring eachother the whole day, i really want to talk to him but i dunno what to say and he's been avoiding me when i look at him... what is this? Does he like me or is he like me, avoid the people they like, nah i think im the only one that is like that, i heard that he's single NOW and that mean he has dated and yeah... I feel like a big loser, never dated anyone geez -_-
I've been down all day, it really doesnt feel good to ignore someone you like although i've been doing that a lot of times already... I talked to Becca about it and she said oouuh first time in three years i dont know how many times XD, she said i should put on some moves. eerrr right how? i've never done that before XD

my heart broke when i knew it wasn't him...