Graduation and friendships

Yay soon i'll graduate! I'll be missing my friends T_T, but we all have to move on and i'll keep in touch with some of them.
And for Fatima saying we're hiding under a false fasade, what about yourself. Just like denise thought. Keep thinking in this complicate manner. Why dont you just let all those crappy thoughts about everyone's bad sides lie down and think of everyone's good sides. I cant say much because i've done the same. But i rose up and found the good sides about everyone. Yeah it's hard when some of them just leave and say shit sometimes. But that is what happens when we're in a large group. We cant wait for everyone, we cant think of everyones best all the time. But under all that there's something really good that you seem to miss. I can anyways. It was hard but i like them very much. You dont really know them, because you havent been around as much as i have and well suit yourself. I remember all the good times we had, how much i used to love you, you understood me, you appreciated me, but then when i tried to get closer you kept this large wall around you, you didnt wanna talk about it. It was all bullshit, when i was feeling down and didnt tell you, you got angry because i didnt share those feelings with you.
I felt bad and thought i was the one keeping this large wall, but the difference between us is that i listen and try to change. So i told you my feelings and let me be vulnerable and thrown out. But i thank you, i needed it. I could share those huge burdens i had inside me. That was a great feeling and i loved you for that.

After some weeks or days i saw this dark shadow around you, you were not present and kept away from everyone. I wanted to be the good friend for you as you were for me. I asked you what was wrong. As usual you turned your face against me and asked like you didnt know what i was talking about "what? no im okay".
I didnt want to push you so i acted along... Okay i said. The thing that keeps bugging me is that when someone ask you to go out for something, you cant say no, you take all the ways around it and act like you're going along. Then in the last minute you dont show up and sometimes you dont even tell us.

School gave us a lot of tests and things we had to do. That was not fun but i didnt give up. i wanted good grades and studied hard. This breeze of dark air came along and for some days, weeks or even months i let it go between friendships and family. I was easily irritated and wanted to keep to myself. I started to dislike everyone. I didnt like their behaviour i could just think of everyones bad sides. I was so wrong. What about myself, what good was i? Why am i so much better than them? Im not. We all have bad sides that sometimes shines through the good ones. And sometimes we just see the bad sides.
I realized that i took everyone for granted and step by step i tried to change back to the happy cheery me. It was hard. I really wanted to build our friendship back Fatima. But i dont know if you want it as much as i want it. It feels like you already given up. And no you're not the only one. I've given up too. Nothing personal but we cant build this friendship up. Too much bad memories and difference in us has closed our minds. I feel this hate all around you. You are hating everyone in our class including the "girlgang". Open up your mind instead, stop faking a smile just to please me because i've been asking you what's the matter. You just dont want me to ask anymore and buzz off.
I remember those words you printed in msn, when i asked you about all this stuff, kept pushing you to open up. That was during the top of the "rage" i got. That day you had ignored me.
You told me that you couldnt trust people that easily. Fatima i know, im not that stupid, you thought you could hide it away from me? No i let you because i knew you didnt wanna tell me. Who can you trust if not your friends?
But dont get me wrong i dont hate you now. You're a great person who cares for others and like to play a lot. Your childish and all and the top priority in your life is your family and to have fun. You dont want to be put in school and study hard. What matters to you is right now. Thats the difference between us. My top priority is my friends and family and i study hard because im ambitious too ambitious i think, i want a safe future and what matters to me is my carreer and future.
Sure i love to have fun and i like to play too but you cant have fun all the time, there's important things you have to do. No it's not fun but if you do it now you dont have to do it later and be proud of yourself.
All these tests you had to do in the end, yes i feel sorry for you for being forced to to those but to be honest you have to suit yourself. If you had studied hard from the beginning you wouldnt have to do all those shitty things.
Nah i dont care what you do anymore, do as you like, that is what you want. We've to move on and put this aside. Sure we'll chat sometimes in msn but that is all that's gonna happen. But to gröna lund we're going, that is our last good bye okay?
Thanks to you i now appreciate all the other girls in the "girlgang" more. When things come along, they've been there for me. And i really really like them.